More on Forgiveness

Well Ive been researching my Forgiveness topic and I totally realize that I have some forgiving to do. Here is a great quote I found on Lds.org

Dr. Sidney Simon, a recognized authority on values realization, has provided an excellent definition of forgiveness as it applies to human relationships: “Forgiveness is freeing up and putting to better use the energy once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds.

This reminds me of how I feel:D...free:D hehehe
Saying I forgive you does not mean that what someone did is okay. It just means Im ready to let go and move on. Im ready to use my energy for good. Im ready to heal. I can say I forgive you to my father even though he hasn't asked for it. I can say it and mean it. That doesn't mean I am letting him back into my life or that all his inactivity in my life was okay it just means Im letting go and wishing him well. Does that make sense? Its something Ive really really struggled with. I had a really good talk with my sister this weekend (I love you Bell thankyou:) and I just realize that you know what I'm not the only one who can't deal with him...thats okay. It is alright for me not to deal with my Father. It kinda makes me sad that I cant just dig deep and find the charity I need to be a part of his life but I am so not feeling guilty for that right now or ashamed. I feel empowered. It sounds really harsh to me in my head but I really feel strong and healthy now that Ive closed that book. I have to laugh and think is that really really okay? because he is lonely he is sick and he has brain damage. Shouldnt I dig deep and let him in? My answer has to be no. Maybe its no for now but I cant let the drama of my sperm doner because that is essnetially what he is...thankyou dad for giving my Mom a chance to give birth to me. Thankyou for paying your child support and thankyou for staying away for so long. You know in saying I forgive I am also saying goodbye. Maybe we can be friends in Heaven:D..but right now I have to do what is best for me and my family. It is saying goodbye to my dad's mother as well. That is a difficult thing for me too. I mean she is sposed to be my grandma and im sposed to take care of her...but im not...and I feel sooo comforted about that. It really makes no sense to my logic...but my heart says its the right thing for me...anyways I hope this helps other people some day when im giving talks all around the world. WAHOOOOO:D
So I forgive my dad. I am so glad I got to talk to Beth and im really excited to use this new energy I have for love and fun and my children:D...K Im off to clean my house!!!